


Catch My Breath and Hold My Tongue

by fatedfeathers



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: AFAB Nb Juno, Asthma attack, Asthmatic Juno, M/M, Unsafe Binding Practices, mild anxiety attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 15:43:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fatedfeathers/pseuds/fatedfeathers
Summary: Juno really should have thought this through better.---Or, the one where Juno makes mistakes about binding.





	Catch My Breath and Hold My Tongue

Juno really should have thought this through better. He had already been having some trouble breathing that morning; he should have gone with his rational thought and foregone the binder, but even the thought of not having a flat chest that day had felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Besides, what was that one saying he'd heard Julian say at one point? ‘Beauty is pain’?

So he put on his binder and ignored how it made is already shallow breathing even more restricted. He ignored it right up until he couldn't ignore it anymore.

Chasing down the big bads wasn't generally a brilliant idea on a good day, but it came with the territory as a PI. After a block chasing this guy down, though, Juno knew he was in trouble. As soon as the thief pulled into an alley, Juno pulled out his blaster and fired a shot at their back. They hit the ground like a sack of potatoes-- stunned-- and Juno followed soon after, struggling to breathe.

He knew he should put his arms up over his head, open his chest as much as he could while wearing the binder, but all he wanted to do was curl them around his chest, hold it in and keep anyone from finding out. His breathing came in quick, shallow gasps interspersed with ragged, heaving coughs, not enough to be getting any good oxygen. He started to feel lightheaded, and his fingers and toes started to tingle uncomfortably. He curved his shoulders, bringing his head down, and started to jerkily rock back and forth in time with his ragged breathing.

Suddenly, he wasn't alone. Someone kneeled beside him-- Nureyev, he'd been working with Nureyev on this case-- and was reaching out to him.

“Juno? Juno, is it ok if I touch you? Is that ok?” Nureyev asked, concern laced heavily through his voice. Juno nodded once, sharp and jerky. Nureyev gently touched one of Juno's shoulders. “Juno, darling, what's wrong? Do you need an inhaler? Is it the binder?”

Juno flinched away at the question, and Nureyev made a soothing noise, rubbing gently across the detective’s back. He'd been around Juno long enough to know that rubbing his back was infinitely more helpful when he couldn't breathe than to hit it, as some people's first instincts were inclined towards.

“I know, love. I know it's a matter of personal comfort, but you have to be safe. Do you want me to cover you so you can take it off?” Nureyev asked gently. Juno looked up, eyes wide in panic and tears starting to well up in the corners. He tried to take a deeper breath to say something, but only broke off into another coughing fit. Nureyev kept running his hand up and down Juno's spine.

As soon as the worst of the coughing subsided, Nureyev stood up, with a distressed sound from Juno following him. “I'm not going anywhere, love, it's ok,” the thief reassured him. He pulled off his jacket-- long and ill-fitting for his current disguise-- and held it up.

“I can hold this up and close my eyes if you want to take it off, Juno. You don't have to, but if you would be more comfortable-- breathing wise, that is, you should take it off.”

Juno looked conflicted. He knew he should take it off. If he didn't, he wouldn't be able to catch his breath and he was likely to pass out. But if he took it off, then… He locked eyes with Nureyev.

“C-can I… borrow… your coat…?” He managed, between shallow breaths. Peter smiled softly, Juno's favorite kind of smile from him, open and genuine.

“Of course, darling. And I'm sure Rita might have something at the office you can borrow when we get back, if you'd like.” Juno nodded, and sat up straight.

Nureyev held up the coat to block the detective from view and closed his eyes. “My eyes are shut, Juno. You can get changed when you're ready.”

There was rustling from the other side of the jacket, and small gasps that may have been sobs, interrupted by coughs and the occasional sniffle. Nureyev could tell the moment the binder came off because it was marked by a deep gasp and then a shift in the detective’s breathing to dramatically deeper breaths. There was more rustling as, presumably, Juno pulled his shirt back on, before there was a gentle tug on the coat. Peter released it without opening his eyes, knowing Juno would tell him when he was ready for that.

The sobs got louder, though, followed by a frustrated noise.

“What's wrong, Juno?”

“I c-can't… C-can't get th-th-the zipper up…”

“Would you like some help?”

Juno's answer was a quiet noise of assent through his sobs. Peter kneeled in front of him, opening his eyes slowly and only looking at the zipper on the jacket. He gently got the tab into the zipper and started it up the first couple of inches, then let Juno zip it up the rest of the way.

As soon as the zipper was all the way up, Juno's shoulders rounded up again and he curled into himself, sobs wracking his frame. Peter made a soft noise and gently started rubbing along Juno's spine again.

“Love, look at me,” he said gently. He waited for Juno to meet his eyes before continuing. “I know it's uncomfortable. I know you'd rather be wearing it. But your safety is important. I promise, I don't see you as any less than you are. You're just as valid, whether you're wearing it or not. It's ok, it's ok…” he trailed off, rubbing Juno's back and offering validation as needed.

They stayed like that until Juno's tears finally ran dry and his breathing slowed down some. Finally, Juno pulled back. He scrubbed at his face with the cuff of Peter's jacket, and shakily stood up. Peter followed him to his feet, but waited for Juno to speak first.

The detective looked away, determined not to meet his eyes as he said, “Thanks for… y'know… All that…”

Peter smiled, wide and genuine and caring. “Of course, love. Now, what say we head back to your office and see if Rita has something you can borrow, yes?”

He offered his hand to Juno, and the detective stared at it for a moment before accepting it and following his thief out of the alley.

He could always come back for the other one later. It's not like he was going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> This was based purely on the line where Juno says he has "sensitive lungs" to Valencia, which has forever cemented the idea that he has asthma in my mind, and a personal experience I had recently as an asthmatic enby bean.
> 
> A lot of this, especially Peter's talking to Juno and Juno's trouble breathing, is taken from an experience I had the other day with a friend of mine. I had the same trouble Juno was having, and my friend had to talk me down and so I used that to fuel this.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a comment or kudos if you did! <3


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